My birthday this year was more emotional for me than in the past. Maybe it was because it was the first New Moon (Jan 24) of a new Decade, or I’m just getting on in years. 😉
When there is a new moon, the Sun and the Moon are aligned in such a way that we don’t see any reflection of light on the Moon in the sky. Emotionally, this also means that our Identity (Sun) and Emotions (Moon) are very close to each other.
To say that my emotions were close to the surface, would be an understatement. I felt so many things, my head filled with so many thoughts but I didn’t feel able to really express them. So now, here I am, trying to put into words some of those thoughts and feelings.
The last time I had a birthday on the New Moon was when I was serving a mission for my church, living in a small garage apartment and really struggling with the circumstances around me. Of course, at that time I didn’t know or understand Astrology, but looking back I can see the symbolism of that Aquarius New Moon birthday in my 12th house as I was at a place in my life focusing on spirituality and sharing the Gospel. It was a crossroads in my life. I finished my mission, came home planning on college and met my future husband unexpectedly that year. College still happened the next year and so did the husband. <3
New Moons are opportunities to learn to trust our instincts because there is no light to guide us. It’s a rebirth of sorts as you have the opportunity to embrace a new sense of self. I feel I’m again at this kind of crossroads in my life. Learning a whole new level to my identity and growing up.
If you are familiar with Aquarian energy, you will know that it has a strong attachment to community and group energy over the individual’s identity & energy.
All Aquarians have their SUN, or individual identity, placed in the sign of groups and community. How are you to express that individualized energy in the middle of a group? What does that look and feel like when part of you is needing to fit in and the other part of you is needing to stand out?
As I look over my life, I am beginning to see why I’ve always felt uncomfortable with the spotlight, especially around my birthday. It’s the paradox of wanting to be known and seen as one of the group but also needing to stand out and shine. I feel this uncomfortable pull inside me to be recognized and seen, but also to be hidden and as just part of the group.
To finally FEEL (that moon-emotion energy working on me) this paradox, under this New Moon, and see my discomfort for what it is was. I realized that in my own way, I have a strong need to be seen – amidst the crowd, particularly by my family as my Sun sign is located in my 4th house of family/foundations. My solar return had it in the same placement this year!
I want both to be with the group – fighting the fight of freedom from whatever injustices I perceive, but also need to be seen, and acknowledge for my presence, and because Capricorn cusps my 4th house, I need to be respected for whatever position I take in the group… but that’s a whole other story!
It feels so odd to want both to hide and to be seen.
As I came to this moment of clarity, all I really desired was to be at peace with the paradox. It’s not going away. I will always be an Aquarius Sun.
If you have Aquarius friends, do them a favor and send them a note to tell them you “see” them. They have a strong sense of gathering with others, but a deep need to be acknowledged amidst the group for whoever they are in that place.
Pay attention to the location of your Sun on your birth chart and solar return, as that will also indicate what area of your life this paradox will manifest most deeply.
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